First Mass Homily

St. Peter Chanel Parish, Deer Park September 17, 2006
‘If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him renounce himself and take up his cross and follow me. Mark 8: 35

Uncertainty, anxiety and fear of what the future holds – these were the feelings I had in my prayers twelve years ago every time I would visit the church after sending my sister Maricon off to her school every morning. It was the moment in my life when I think I prayed really hard for the first time as I was waiting for the result of my entrance exam for the seminary in the Philippines.

My prayers were filled with uncertainty, doubt and fear -- I wasn’t sure whether I would pass the examination or not; and if I passed it I wasn’t sure then if I really wanted to become a priest. It was also unclear to me at the time that God wanted me to become a priest.

At the age of sixteen I started my seminary training, and during my early years of formation I still carried with me fear, uncertainty and doubt. Although I have always wanted to follow Christ and do his will, I was afraid and uncertain about my vocation -- I was afraid to become a priest. I feared of surrendering my personal dreams and happiness.

Then after years of discernment, through the grace of God, and with the help of other people’s prayers, somehow my faith has grown in maturity. Gradually I saw more clearly the vocation God intended for me. And finally, yesterday I was ordained priest!

I had the privilege to be ordained to the priesthood at St. Patrick’s Cathedral together with my fellow “baby” priests, Fathers Thinh, Justin and Eugene. At the ordination Mass four of us formally said our “yes” and expressed “our willingness to follow Christ’s call” no matter what. By the virtue of the Sacrament of Holy Orders all four of us became Christ’s representatives. By the power of the Holy Spirit, we were configured to Christ to dedicate our lives completely to his Church, and for the sake of the Gospel.

It is very appropriate that the Gospel reading today speaks clearly about discipleship in its deepest meaning: ‘If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him renounce himself and take up his cross and follow me.

However, the message of the Gospel today doesn’t apply only to me as a newly ordained priest or to my brother priests, but the word of Jesus applies to everyone here in this Church.

Regardless of what state we find ourselves in, as Christians, we are all called to follow Christ.

The first condition in following Christ is to know him in a personal and intimate manner. Jesus asked Peter “Who do you say I am?” because Jesus wanted to hear from Peter’s own lips his personal understanding about him. Peter answered on behalf of the disciples, confessing, “You are the Messiah.”

Peter’s answer was right but he couldn’t accept the fact that suffering was to be part of Christ’s mission of salvation. Peter could not make sense at all of why Jesus, the Messiah, the Son of Man, would suffer and die just like any human being. Peter and the disciples had seen Jesus performing miracles, healing the people and even raising the dead. So it was just too much for them to understand how Jesus, their Lord and Master, in the end would suffer helplessly and would be put to death.

Sometimes when we’re confronted with the necessity of suffering, we react exactly like Peter. The suffering we face could be a financial or health problem or the death of a loved one; we react like Peter who doesn’t clearly understand the important role of suffering in our lives. Sometimes we fail to answer correctly the personal question of Jesus “Who do you say I am?”, most especially in our present society, where interpretations of suffering and failure are dominated by a “culture of success” and the image a “trouble-free society.”

In the light of today's Gospel, we must insist that Jesus Christ, our Lord, is not a triumphant Messiah, but a suffering one who saved us and the world by humiliation, defeat and surrender.
The messianic expectation of God’s people was contradicted by the actual messianic role of Jesus because he didn’t preach armed revolt and a war of political liberation. On the contrary, his appallingly painful and utterly disgraceful death not only manifested his true identity as Son of God the one who brings about salvation for others but also fulfilled his prediction of himself as the “suffering messiah.” We heard this image of the Suffering Messiah in the First Reading: “I gave my back to those who struck me, my cheeks to those who tore at my beard…”

Jesus’ own suffering and death, and his glorious resurrection reveal to us that the mystery of human suffering can have a redemptive role in our lives and the lives of others. But of course God doesn’t want us to suffer; he doesn’t delight in human suffering. God is the source of all goodness. He knows and understands our sufferings and sacrifices; he knows our individual struggles, our loneliness, bitterness and fear.

Suffering for parents could be the challenge of raising their children. Suffering for young people could be the feeling of meaninglessness or losing the sense of purpose in life. Suffering of elderly people could be the feeling of rejection and being abandoned. Suffering for others could be separation from family and loved ones. Our suffering could be our own struggle against our addiction to sin and our own weaknesses.

The words of Jesus in today’s Gospel, ‘If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him renounce himself and take up his cross and follow me’ are an invitation for us all to put our suffering into the perspective of love and self-denial.

To follow Christ willingly and to trust his word, cannot avoid accepting suffering as part of it. Even Mary, Christ’s very own Mother was not spared her own cross of suffering, from the moment she conceived her Son until his death on the cross. But in the end, we learned from her, how to surrender, obey and believe even in times of pain and desperate hope.

When Jesus says, “take up your cross,” he is not just referring to major sacrifices like accepting martyrdom. He is also referring to the daily sacrifices of love that animate our lives. It is true that the concept of sacrificial love is completely opposed to the mindset of today materialistic society. Therefore in this Eucharist let us pray for one another and ask God to give us all the ability and the courage to love, to deny ourselves and endure sacrifices because of love.

Uncertainty, anxiety and fear of what the future holds – these were the feelings I had twelve years ago. I admit this is also how I feel now, but the words of Christ “take up your cross and follow me” no longer appear a threat but an assurance that grace accompanies every cross we carry, when we depend more on God than on ourselves.

Let us remember that when there is some pain in our lives, when we have to carry a cross, it is an opportunity for us to forget ourselves and put Jesus alone as the center of our life. Amen.