Big hands

A long time ago, when I was little, I used to come along with my mother every Sunday to the town market to buy our week’s supply of food. I really enjoyed the atmosphere at the market – vendor shouting out loud advertising their goods, big and small fish, butchered animals (I’m weird!), different kinds of vegetables, etc. There was always a big crowd in the market so that my mother was very mindful of me. It is so nice to remember how mother would hold my little hand very tightly so I would not get lost from her sight.

In my spiritual journey, God is like my mother who was leading me and holding my hands firmly so I would not get lost in the market place. There are many things in this world that excite my curiosity, and if God would let go me from his firm hold, I might escape to wander and explore the world, go to places I would love to go, and then get lost in end. In trying to search God’s will, there many are times I find his ways too difficult to understand and find them very different to what I want. But I said to my self, "I have no choice but follow Him" for I know I will just place myself into danger by going on my own.

St. Bonaventure in his writing seems to be giving me a warning that, “unless accompanied by divine aid” I will not come to the final end of my soul’s journey-- a perfect place of eternal peace. This is the stage in which the disturbances of my “market place” can no longer exist because in this stage the illumination of God’s presence is so immense that I will never get lost again forever.

I pray for God’s “grace not instruction, desire not understanding,” so my searching will become a soul’s journey of prayer and contemplation with Jesus Christ.