A Spirituality of Choice at the Level of Faith

It’s always pleasing to remember how my mother buys me things like hankies, shorts, jocks, socks and so forth. Now being far away from my loving mother, I have to buy myself those things and my other needs. Honestly I find shopping not only a financial burden but also I hate the hassle of spending significant time choosing and doubting what kind of stuff I really want to get. Maybe I am not just confident enough making my own decision as I often feel unsure about things I buy such as t-shirts, shoes, etc (I’m always unsure whether they suit me alright or not). However, if in the end I realised I got what I really wanted (after a long deliberation!) I would feel greatly rewarded for making such a good effort and wise decision.

Discernment is process of deliberation, weighing up things, choosing, selecting, etc. In spirituality, discernment simply means doing the will of God at the present moment. Discernment is that which St. Ignatius of Loyola focused his profound spirituality. After he was seriously wounded in a battle he spent the rest of his life seeking the divine will of God; he traveled places for retreats, he recorded his experiences—including his battle against the devil and he drafted his own spiritual retreat which is known as “The 30 Day Retreat.” His life was a pilgrimage in a labyrinth of seeking God’s will.

St. Ignatius’ advice is that every time we make important decisions we must first of all consult our consciences, take some time in prayers, and when necessary we have to delay our decisions. More importantly, according to him we must be vigilant and reflective about the presence of the ‘good and evil spirits’ in our everyday decision-making. Before it’s too late, we better start looking for the tail of the enemy hiding somewhere so we can avoid its trap. We need to defeat our enemy who exists only to oppose even the tiniest decisions we make everyday according to the will of God. As St. Ignatius has seen it, the devil “adopts new and subtler tactics in his effort to subvert the divine will in our lives.”

We want to be treated maturely di ba? We don’t want to hear litany of lectures telling us what to do and what not to do. Some people just hate it. What we want is freedom and autonomy so that we can show the world that we can take charge of ourselves alone—we can do what we want! We don’t want to be spoon-fed nor receive explicit instructions for every situation.

In fact, only if we realise how God wants to treat us as mature adults – he gave us freedom. Because he loves us he doesn’t want to deprive us the basic freedom which is a requirement of what true love is. Therefore, we must understand that God wants us to be responsible with our actions and every little decision we make, but most especially when it comes to moral decisions.

But for me, true freedom means capability to choose only what is good. True freedom only makes sense when one has the ability to recognize and reject whatever is evil. Freedom doesn’t mean we can perform anything we want to do even it may harm to us or our neighbors. That’s why personally, if will be given a choice, I’d prefer to be that little boy whom my mother would buy things he needs. I know it’s immature, but at least I am confident and because I trust wholeheartedly my mother. I know that whatever things she gives me would always be for my benefit and an expression of her love. I would be happily contented to be such a passive recipient of her maternal care and love. There’s no need to worry about making wrong decisions. She is there for me.

Ah, my Lord, how I long to surrender my entire freedom to you – if you can take away my liberty please do so – so that I can please you alone because you so good to me. Take everything I own and everything I hope for. There are many things I want that I know you will not approve so I would like to give you my choice, my desire, my personal happiness, my longing, even my weakness – I am yours. I’d like to imitate your total self-dedication to will of your Father.

As I battle against my own self and the temptations of the world, and help me, help us all your children, help us to choose only what is according to your divine Will. Amen.

5:18 pm
Baillieu Library
Melbourne University