Sunday Morning

It's Sunday morning I got up earlier than usual to prepare for Mass. The weather is not too cold than the last previous days. The sun shines so brightly and the sky is clear - a perfect beautiful day it is. However inside me there is something missing, a void or an empty space, longing for something or someone... so I think I feel lonely, yes I am. This feeling of loneliness reverse the perfect weather. So after doing the things I have to be done in the church I went back to my room to pray asking the Holy Spirit to fill me with the grace I need.

Today is Pentecost Sunday the church commemorates when Jesus breathes out the Holy Spirit upon the Apostles to empower them. The Holy Spirit will make his presence even more truly present in their hearts. I need that grace today. But the Lord somehow is telling me "it's good for you to feel lonely so you can comfort people who are truly lonely -- who is recently widowed, divorced, or homebound with an illness; who is new in town, or who travels frequently on business away from family; perhaps someone in prison, in the military or in a nursinghome, etc. etc.

I feel lonely but I am glad I am. Although I am not really alone in fact I am surrounded with good friends and I really cannot cope easily with so many invitations I receive from them. Many people just love me. But at the end of the day the smile and laughter, voice and singing, tinkling of wine glasses and everything will fade away. Then reality confronts you, you are alone. People and friends whether you like it or not they come and go. You only meet them either when there are great joys or when there are troubled, when they need you or when there has been a tragedy.

I realise it's helpful to be alone and it is important to cherish the feeling of being lonely in order to have a strong solidarity with people who experience loneliness in one form or another: those who suffer anxiety, depression, rejection, and all others.

I read somewhere you don't have to be by yourself in order to be lonely. "Many people feel alone in the middle of a crowd because inside they feel inferior or rejected. Some people feel misunderstood or unwanted so they isolate themselves; they are afraid of getting hurt by others. While they silently keep to themselves, deep inside they are longing for interaction with another."

Thus I have to humbly admit that I am alone, that I am weak, that I am lonely. For when I am alone the presence of God becomes more present. When I am weak I feel helpless seeking God's endearing grace; simply wanting and longing for God, like a child who wants a cuddle from no other person than his/her mother. When I am lonely I immerse myself in contemplation to the reality of God who is love and nothing else - with his love I am not alone. And with God you and I were not alone.

It's Sunday morning. What a beautiful morning it has been.