pagtatagpo

panalangin ko sana ay
makapiling ka
sa bawat sandali ay
makasama ka

sa aking pag-iisa
ikaw ang nakikita
alam ko bukas
ay may darating na
umaga

panalangin ko sana ay
matagpuan,
ang Kalooban
nya’y ikaw sana

Chorus:
Muling magtatagpo
ang ating puso
pagsasaluhan ang
pag-ibig na Kanyang handog
Huwag nang matakot at
di na muling maghihiwalay
Sa piling Niya tayong dalawa
magsasama habang buhay.

panalangin ko sana
ay ialay sa Kanya
bawat sandali ng
ating buhay

pagkat ang puso natin
ngayon ay iisa
sa Panginoon habang buhay
tayong magsasama.

October 1, 2002
Feast of St. Therese of the Child Jesus

Twenty Questions Ni Juan Ekis*

This play won a Palanca Award for 1-Act Plays.


MGA TAUHAN
Jigs - Fresh grad. Kabarkada ni Yumi. Magtatrabahobilang researcher sa isang financial firm
Yumi - Commercial Model. Kabarkada ni Jigs. 2 yearsahead kay Jigs.

TAGPO
Gabi. Sa isang kwarto ng isang beach resort.Naglalatag ng kumot si Jigs sasahig habang inaayos ni Yumi ang kanyang higaan.
YUMI Sige na, Jigs. Huwag ka nang magpaka-gentle man.Naaawa ako sa¹yo e. Tabina tayo sa kama.
JIGS Hindi, okay lang ako dito.
YUMI Huwag ka nang maarte. As if naman re-rapin kitano. Malaki naman itong kama e. Hatiin na lang natin sa gitna.
JIGS Sure ka?
YUMI Hindi mo naman siguro ako mamanyakin no?
JIGS (Matatawa) Okay ka lang?
YUMI Kung gusto mo, gamitin na lang natin iyang kumotna divider.
JIGS Good idea.
Isasampay nila ang kumot mula sa kisame para mahatiang kama sa gitna. Magsesettle down ang dalawa. Ilalabas ni Jigs anglibro niya: ³Puppy Love andother Stories² ni F. Sionil Jose. Si Yumi naman aymagpapatugtog ng Japanese ZenMusic habang nagsa-zazen.
YUMI Do you mind?
JIGS No, go ahead. I¹m just reading.
Magsa-zazen si Yumi. Magbabasa si Jigs. Pareho silangdi maka-concentrate.Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player niya.
YUMI I can¹t believe our friends.
JIGS Oo nga e.
YUMI Dapat ginagawa nila ?to sa mga bagong pasok sabarkada o kaya sabagong...ay oo nga pala. Bagong graduate ka. Congrats.
JIGS Thanks.
YUMI So what¹re your plans?
JIGS Kinukuha akong researcher sa ADB. Kinukuha rinako ng BPI sa OTP nila.
YUMI Wow naman. In demand.
JIGS Di naman masyado. Who the hell invented thistradition anyway?
YUMI (Matatawa) You won¹t believe it.
JIGS Ikaw?
YUMI Malay ko ba na mabibiktima rin ako nito balang-araw.
JIGS So why did you start it?
YUMI Wala ka pa sa tropa nun e. Freshman ka pa langsiguro noon. Wala lang. Napagtripan lang namin si Ronald. E may crush siya kayMeg. Noong unang besesmagpunta rito ng barkada, sabi ko, magsimula kami ngtradition. Ilo-lotterynamin ang pangalan ng mga lalaki at ng mga babae. Kungsino ang mabubunot,silang dalawa ang pagsasamahin sa isang kwarto sa loobng tatlong araw. Andthen, we¹ll all see what happens. Pero dinaya naminnoon yung kay Ronald atMeg. Puro Ronald at Meg ang mga pangalan na nakalagaysa lottery.
JIGS (Tatawa) Ang sama ninyo!
YUMI Kaya nga nakarma na ako e.
JIGS So is our case, dinaya? O talagang lottery?
YUMI (Teasing) Ano sa dalawa ang gusto mo?
JIGS Feeling ko may nagtrip sa¹kin sa barkada e.
YUMI Excuse me po, dalawa tayong biktima dito. I don¹tsee any reason kung bakit tayong dalawa ang sasadyaing biktima this year,unless may crush ka sa¹kinna di ko alam at alam nila (tatawa).
JIGS Baka ikaw (tatawa).
YUMI The success rate of this tradition is 100% sofar.
JIGS I was here na the 2nd time. Si Chris at si Ciaang biktima.
YUMI And last year were Rod and Kay. They¹re gettingmarried kailan?
Sa June yata.
JIGS What do you expect? Ikukulong mo ang isang lalakiat isang babae sa isang kwarto for three days, imposibleng walang mangyaridoon!
YUMI That was exactly my point. (Ngingiti)
JIGS E kung may madisgrasya?
YUMI Ano¹ng disgrasya?
JIGS Alam mo na ?yun!
Hahawiin ni Yumi ang divider nilang kumot.
YUMI Ano? Sex? Pa¹no kung magsex sila? Nakakatawa kanaman. Di mo masabi.
JIGS Ang alin?
YUMI Ang sex!
JIGS Hah!
YUMI Sige nga sabihin mo nga?
JIGS Para kang tanga. Tumigil ka nga.
YUMI Shet, Jigs. Graduate ka na totoy ka pa rin!
JIGS Excuse me?
YUMI Sabihin mo nga: ³Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!²
JIGS Para kang bata, Yumi ha.
YUMI You used to call me ate Yumi when you were inthird year.
JIGS Well, graduate na po ako, ate Yumi.
Tahimik.
JIGS Hmmm. I wonder if we¹re gonna last three days.
YUMI (Teasing) Bakit? Ayaw mo sa¹kin?
Di sasagot si Jigs.
YUMI We¹re gonna survive this one.
JIGS What makes you so sure?
YUMI No offense, Jigs. I honestly find you veryattractive pero I¹ve no timefor this. Alam mo naman siguro na kaka'
JIGS Same here.
YUMI Same here what? Na you find me attractive o youdon¹t have time for this?(Matatawa)
Di sasagot si Jigs. Tahimik. Io-on ulit ni Yumi ang CDplayer at ipagpapatuloy ang zazen. Itatabi ni Jigs ang libro. Nawalan na siyang ganang magbasa. Pupuntasiya sa ref. Bubuksan niya ito.
JIGS Hah! (Sarcastic) Perfect! Red Wine! How veryconducive.
YUMI May chips ba diyan?
JIGS Sa awa ng Diyos, may tsibog naman.
Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player. Tatayo siya at kukuhang chips sa ibabaw ng ref.
YUMI Since we¹re gonna be stuck naman with each otherfor three days, might as well make the best out of it di ba? I-enjoy na lang natin.
JIGS What do you mean?
YUMI Get the wine, let¹s have a drink! 50 hours to go na lang and
we¹re gonna be the first failure of this tradition.
JIGS Oo nga. (Kukunin ang wine. Maglalagay sa dalawang baso.)
When they chose Cia and Chris, naiintindihan ko pa e.Lalo na sina Rod and Kay.Kung baga, tinulungan lang natin silang umamin saisa¹t isa. Pero us...
YUMI Weird ng barkada natin no?
JIGS To our barkada and our weird traditions!
YUMI To us, the first failure of this tradition!
Magto-toast sila at iinom.
JIGS Sige, ate Yumi. Let¹s make our stay here more interesting...
YUMI What¹s with the ate?
JIGS Fine...
Bubuksan ni Yumi ang chips. Uupo sila pareho sa sahig para magkwentuhan.
JIGS Let¹s play twenty questions.
YUMI Sige! Ano yon?
JIGS Each of us will have ten questions each.Tatanungin kita, tatanungin mo ako, mga gusto nating malaman sa isa¹t isa. Alternatetayo. Pero the thing here is, you can¹t ask the question that I already asked.
YUMI That¹s pretty interesting.
JIGS At bawal magsinungaling.
YUMI Fair enough. Pero whatever is said inside thisroom remains in the room.Ok?
JIGS Of course. You wanna start?
YUMI No. I want to ask the last question. (Ngingiti at kikindatan si Jigs)
JIGS Smart move. Game. First question: Ano ang greatest frustration mo sa buhay?
YUMI Nge. Ang korni naman ng tanong mo. Walangka-challenge-challenge. Ask me something na mag-iisip naman ako.
JIGS Simula pa lang e.
YUMI Sige. Ano nga ba...?
JIGS Akala ko ba walang ka-challenge-challenge?
YUMI Wag kang maingay, nag-iisip ako...I¹m a frustrated ballet dancer.
JIGS Talaga?
YUMI I took lessons when I was six pero umayaw ako.Wala kasi akong disiplinae. Mas gusto kong makipaglaro sa mga kalaro ko. Pero Ireally enjoy watching ballet dancers. When I see them dance parati kongkaiisip na sana, ako rin.There! Ang dali naman ng tanong mo. Walang thrill.
JIGS Appetizer lang. Yari ka sa¹kin mamaya.
YUMI We¹ll see. Ako naman: Did you ever have doubts about your sexuality? Imean, kahit minsan ba, naisip mo na bakla ka?
JIGS Never.
YUMI Bilis ng sagot a.
JIGS Coz I never entertained the idea.
YUMI Homophobe ka ba?
JIGS Alternate tayo sa tanungan, di ba?
YUMI So, not once? Kahit konti? Kahit what if lang?
JIGS I¹m straight, okay?
YUMI I¹m not asking if you¹re gay or not. I¹m askingkung...
JIGS Never nga.
YUMI We all thought na you were gay. Well at leastnung first few months mo sa tropa before you introduced your girlfriend to us.
JIGS What?! You thought I was gay?!
YUMI E pa¹no kasi, masyado kang mabait. Ang pogi-pogimo, pero parang allergic ka sa mga babae. Over ang pagiging gentleman mo. Toogood to be true. You have a good body, it seems that you work out pero iniisipnamin front mo lang yun.Kadalasan kasi front ng mga bakla ang pagiging magandang katawan nila atpagiging sporty...
Tatawa lang si Jigs.
YUMI So we thought it¹s either that or you were planning to become a priest.
JIGS What?!
YUMI Well, you were always this goody-goody person. Pumupunta ka sa chapel.Nangungumpisal, nagsisimba...
JIGS The way you said it, parang equivalent ang dalawa a.
YUMI Of course not. I didn¹t mean that!
JIGS I take my faith seriously. That doesn¹t make me gay!
YUMI So you did want to become a priest...
JIGS Hindi rin. Actually, I always wanted to raise a family...and be a father.
Tahimik.
YUMI So you¹re not gay.
JIGS No.
YUMI You never...
JIGS Ilang beses ka ba ipinanganak? Kulit mo e. It¹s my turn.
YUMI Homophobe ka no?
JIGS Hindi kaya!
YUMI Whatever...
JIGS Ako na, daya mo naman e.
YUMI Okay, okay. Shoot me.
JIGS How do you see yourself five years from now?
YUMI You expect to win this game? Ang kokorni ng mga tanong mo e.
JIGS The object of this game is not to win.
YUMI E ano pa ba?
JIGS To get to know the other person.
YUMI Sure. Basta ako, I will win this game. Walangthrill ang isang game kung walang nananalo.
JIGS Sagot.
YUMI May time limit ba ?to? (Tatawa) Wine pa nga.
JIGS Sabi nga nila: in vino veritas.
Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.
YUMI Masarap ang wine, ha? Saan kaya nabili ito?(Iinom) To answer your question, either maging entrepreneur ako, magsisimulaako ng sarili aong botique or bar, o kaya, magiging artista ako sa pelikula.
JIGS Not bad.
YUMI Pero mukhang malabo yung stint ko sa movies.Tough ang competition e. Sakamahina ang manager ko. Panay hosting at pictorials angnakukuhang raket para sa akin. Papalitan ko na nga e. Pag nakaipon ako, baka magtayo na lang ako ngbotique.
JIGS (Magbibiro) Ayaw mo mag-bold?
YUMI Yuck!
JIGS Lahat ng gustong mag-artista doon dumadaan.
YUMI May talent naman ako kahit papano a!
JIGS Lahat naman ng bold star may talent a! Sa dibdib!(Tatawa)
YUMI (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Bastos ka talaga!Akala ko goody-goodyka...Hindi ko papatulan ang pagbobold kahit ano¹ngmangyari no! Kahit ganitoako, may respeto pa rin naman ako sa sarili ko.
JIGS Ganito? Ano¹ng ganito?
Di sasagutin ni Yumi ang tanong.
YUMI These producers think all the people want is sex,sex, sex! Kaya purobasura ang mga pelikula e. Wine pa nga!
JIGS (Magsasalin ng wine) Bakit naman botique?
YUMI Hoy madaya ka na ha? Hindi pa ako lasing. Akona¹ng magtatanong. Ang kornimo namang magtanong. Bigatan naman natin nangkonti...Inom ka muna. Iinom siJigs. Magsasalin siya ng bago.
YUMI Who was your first crush in the barkada?
Tahimik.
YUMI Haha! Bingo ka no? Bagal mo naman sumagot.
Iinumin ang wine. Magsasalin ng bago.
JIGS Lalaki o babae?
Tatawa sila pareho.
YUMI Dapat may time limit ito e.
Tahimik.
JIGS Hirap naman ng tanong mo.
YUMI Iyon nga ang maganda e. Para may thrill. As ifnaman ibo-broadcast ko sabarkada kung sino.
JIGS Wine pa?
YUMI Di mo pa sinasagot yung tanong ko, nagtatanong kana!
Magsasalin ng wine si Jigs kay Yumi.
JIGS Yung crush ko kasi...siyempre, sino pa ba? E diyung pinakamaganda sabarkada.
YUMI Nge. Subjective yon no! Para sa¹kin angpinakagwapo si Joel. Sa > babae, siKay. Para kay Ronald, si Meg...
JIGS Yung literally na may dating'walangtanung-tanong. Yung kahit sino¹ngtanungin mo sa tropa, objectively, siya ang isasagot.
YUMI Jigs, twenty questions ang game natin. Hindiguessing game. C¹mon man.Play your own game. Pa¹no na kung truth or dare to edi pahirapan na. Dadalawana nga lang tayo e.
JIGS Yung commercial model.
Matitigilan si Yumi.
YUMI Wine pa nga.
Magsasalin si Jigs. Mag-iisip si Yumi. Iinom. Biglangmatatawa.
YUMI (Tumatawa pa rin) Talaga?
JIGS Sige, pagtawanan ba?
YUMI You can say it to my face, I won¹t bite. Bakithirap na hirap kang sabihinkung sino? Takot kang ma-reject? Parang tanong lange...Wine pa nga!
JIGS Okay, 1 point ka na...
YUMI (Ngiti) Gee...thanks. Flattered naman ako. Atkailan naman nangyari ito?
JIGS Sorry, my turn to ask. (Ngingiti) Who is yourcrush in the barkada...NOW?
YUMI E ginaya mo lang yung tanong ko e.
JIGS Hinde no. May qualifier ako. Ang sabi ko, NOW.Ang tanong mo, first crushko.
YUMI Korni pa rin. Alam mo, kung basketball ?to,tambak ka na.
JIGS Just answer the question.
YUMI Siyempre wala. I told you, I don¹t have time forthese stuff. Kakabreak kolang di ba?
JIGS Korni mo namang sumagot.
YUMI E korni yung tanong e. Pero kungtalagang-talagang kailangan kongsumagot...hmmm...teka...sino nga ba? Sino ba¹ng crushmaterial sa barkada? Walaakong maisip e. Ikaw na lang.
JIGS Yung seryoso naman.
YUMI Seryoso ako. Ayaw mo yata e. Sige, iba na lang...
JIGS E napipilitan ka lang e.
YUMI Uy! Pa¹no ba¹yan? MU na tayo? Crush mo ko, crushkita...yiheee
(Tatawa).
JIGS Dati pa ?yon no!
YUMI Ay? Di mo na ko crush? Bakit, na turn-off ka? Anonamang ginawa ko? Tsk.Tsk.
JIGS Is that your question na?
YUMI Oy, hinde! Ito naman...di ba pwedengmag-follow-up?
Iinom ng wine si Jigs.
YUMI Fine. Here¹s a little juicy question: Describeyour first kiss.
JIGS That¹s not even a question.
YUMI Arte mo. O: How was your first kiss like?
Matatawa si Jigs.
JIGS Wet.
YUMI Yuck!
Magtatawanan sila.
JIGS Alam mo, aksidente yung first kiss ko. Close kasikami nung isa kongkaibigan. Pag naggu-goodbye ako sa kanya, parati kosiyang kini-kiss sa noo. Eone time, sa gym habang nagpapahinga, nakaupo siya sasahig. Tinatamad siyangtumayo. So bumaba ako nang konti para halikan siya sanoo kasi pauwi na ako. Esiya naman, para maabot ko, medyo tumingala. E sakto,sa lips ko siya nahalikan.Pareho kaming nagulat. Pero di pa kami naghiwalayagad. Weird nga ang feeling e.Parang may glue. Ayaw na namin maghiwalay pareho...
Tawa pa rin si Yumi
YUMI Awww. Ang sweet naman. Parang sa pelikula. SiKrissy ba to?
JIGS Hindi. Hindi mo siya kilala.
YUMI So what happened? Nagkatuluyan kayo?
JIGS Nope.
YUMI Ha?
JIGS Ewan ko ba. Complicated kasi yung situation namine. May boyfriend siyanoon. Ako naman, takot pa sa isang relationship. Peroat least, na-discovernamin na pareho pala kaming may gusto sa isa¹t isa.Pero hanggang doon na lang.
YUMI What happened after?
JIGS We talked about it. We both decided na it wontwork. Tapos, bigla na lang,hindi na kami nagkikita. And then, I met you guys, ibana ang barkada ko.
YUMI Nakakatuwa naman.
JIGS Ikaw, pa¹no yung first kiss mo?
YUMI Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin ng game na ito di ba?Bakit ba lagi mongbini-break ang rules? Di mo na pwedeng tanungin ?yan!
JIGS Tine-testing ko lang kung lasing ka na. (Iinom ngwine) Okay, naka-warm-upna ako: What was the naughtiest thing you ever did?
YUMI ?Yan ang mga tanong! Ano ba¹ng ibig mong sabihinng naughty?
JIGS Bahala kang mag-define.
YUMI Hmmm...marami e...(matatawa) baka maeskandalo ka.
JIGS Kanina ayaw mo ng korni. Ngayong medyo excitingnaman...
YUMI Eto na...I had two boyfriends at the same time.
JIGS (Nagulat) Hala.
YUMI I was with Joel and Zach at the same time.
JIGS Yikes. Alam ba ni Joel?
YUMI Kaya nga kami naghiwalay nun e. Nahuli ako(matatawa).
JIGS Ano namang pumasok sa kukote mo¹t ginawa mo ?yon,aber?
YUMI Nag-eexperiment lang ako. E sa type ko silapareho e.Ano¹ng magagawa ko?Saka para may thrill. Alam mo ?yon? Yung patago kangnakikipag-date sa isa paradi mahuli. Everyday pa akong nakakalibre, kasi,alternate sila! (Tatawa) Akalan¹yo kayo lang mga lalaki ang pwedeng gumawa no¹n?
JIGS How can you love two guys at the same time?
YUMI Who said something about love? Walang kinalamanang love dun. Iwas...having fun!
JIGS Nainlove ka na ba, ever?
YUMI Nakakailang tanong ka na? It¹s my turn.
JIGS Don¹t you want to answer the question anyway?
YUMI My turn!
JIGS Kulang ka pa sa wine. (Tatawa)
Ubos na ang unang wine bottle. Kukuha si Jigs ng isapa sa ref.
JIGS Ang bilis nating uminom a.
YUMI Are you still a virgin?
JIGS Whoa! Where did that come from?
YUMI That¹s my fourth question.
JIGS (Magsasalin ng wine sa mga baso). Ano sa tinginmo?
Ngingiti si Jigs. Tititigan lang siya ni Yumi.
YUMI Don¹t tell me, wala pang nangyayari sa inyo niKrissy hanggang ngayon?Ilang taon na ba kayo?
JIGS Mag-tu-two years na sana next week.
YUMI So virgin ka pa? I don¹t believe it!
JIGS Mukha ba akong tarantado?
YUMI Mukha kang nagpapaiyak ng babae e.
JIGS Insulto ba ?yon?
YUMI Compliment ?yon, tanga.
JIGS Ah, okay. Thanks.
YUMI Pero, you mean, you never felt the urge to do it?
JIGS Alin? Sex?
YUMI Wow! Nasabi rin niya!
JIGS Of course I always feel it. Natural lang ?yon satao no? Nasa iyo na lang?yan kung ano¹ng gagawin mo sa urge na ?yon.
YUMI E natural naman pala e. Bakit mo pinipigilan? Imean, pag naiihi ka, iihika. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka. Pareho lang ?yon, diba?
JIGS Pag naiihi ka, iihi ka dahil kailangan mongumihi. At hindi ka iihi kahitsaan. Pupunta ka sa banyo. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain kadahil kailangan. Athindi mo kinakain ang lahat ng pagkain na ihain saiyo. Pag di ka gutom, di kakakain. Pag di mo gusto yung pagkain, di mo gagalawin.Ang aso, pag may nakitangpagkain diyan, walang tanung-tanong. Lalamon ?yan.
YUMI And sex is the same?
JIGS Lahat ng bagay, nilalagay sa lugar. May context.At least, yun angnagpaiba sa atin sa aso.
YUMI Grabe ka namang magsalita. Para mo na ringsinabing lahat ng nakikipagsex,aso ah!
JIGS Sinasabi ko lang, pag wala sa tamang konteksto,mali.
YUMI And what is that context?
JIGS Matanda na tayo. Ayokong maging preachy. Alam nanatin yan.
Tahimik.
JIGS Kaso, kahit alam na natin, minsan di pa rin natinginagawa.
Tahimik.
JIGS Masarap e. Sino ba¹ng ayaw nun?
Tahimik.
YUMI (Medyo nairita) So feeling mo santo ka at dapatkang i-congratulate forbeing a virgin!
JIGS Sinasabi ko lang ang pinaniniwalaan ko.Ineexplain ko lang kung bakit diko ginagawa. May kanya-kanya tayong dahilan. Di kopinipilit kahit kanino angmga paniniwala ko...No need to get so cross about it,
Yumi.
Tahimik.
JIGS It¹s not about being a virgin or not. It¹s aboutputting things into theirproper places.
YUMI I¹m not arguing with you.
JIGS Me neither. I¹m just answering your questions.
Matagal na katahimikan.
Ngingiti si Jigs.
Titignan niya si Yumi na medyo nairita sa nakaraangtrain of conversation nila.Magsasalin siya ng wine para kay Yumi.
JIGS Nasobrahan ka na yata sa wine e. (Tatawa) Youstill wanna go on with thegame? Nine pa lang tayo, eleven more to go. (Ngingiti)
YUMI Shoot me.
JIGS Who was your first lay?
YUMI (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Ang bastos motalaga! So ina-assumevb mo nahindi na ako virgin?
JIGS E sabi mo kasi, walang thrill ang game pag walangnananalo e. So I guessI¹m winning. Saka wala naman akong inimply na ganun a!I¹m just hitting twobirds with one stone. Kasi kung virgin ka, e di simplelang ang sagot: wala.Kung hindi naman, e di sino?
YUMI Ang daya mo.
JIGS Akala ko ba ayaw mo ng korning tanong.
YUMI You think I¹ll answer that after giving yoursermon, Father Jigs?
JIGS Ano ka ba? Inexplain ko lang yung personalreasons ko. Kung ano man ang saiyo, I¹ll respect them as well as I know you respectmine. I¹m no saint. I¹mjust trying to get to know you better. (Ngingiti)
YUMI How do you do that?
JIGS Alin?
YUMI I should have walked out on you kanina pa perothe way you saythings...parang bumabaliktad sa¹yo...makes youmore...charming. Kung ibang taoka siguro, di na kita kakausapin.
JIGS You can¹t walk out. We¹re locked here for threedays except for meals.
YUMI So I¹m forced to like you para di masira angvacation ko. (Ngingiti)
JIGS You don¹t have to answer my question if you don¹twant.
YUMI I guess I¹ll be honest with you as you werehonest with me...
Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.
YUMI Di mo siya kilala. His name was Robert. He was myfirst boyfriend. It wasSenior Prom Night. Alam mo na...typical senior promstory. Everyone wants tolose it on prom night. Everyone thinks na pag promnight, it was somethingspecial. We went out sa hall nang maaga. We made outsa kotse niya. One thingled to the other. Tapos, yun...yun na. We went backjust in time for theawarding of the prom queen. Guess what, I won pa.(Mahinang tawa)
JIGS What was it like?
YUMI Now that I look back, it isn¹t as special as Ithought it was. Pero it wasdifferent then. Back then, we were just led by ourpassions. Alam mo yon? Andunka na. Hormones raging wild. Passions and Ideals areconfused. Akala mo love,yun pala, curious ka lang pala. Akala mo yun na yon.Akala mo you are in-love atlahat ng gawin mo tama. Lahat ng gawin mo perfect.Everything wasmagical...well, almost.
JIGS Almost...?
YUMI Sa next question mo na ?yan. Ako na.
JIGS (Pabiro) Wine pa? Kulang ka pa yata e.
YUMI Nilalasing mo ko no? May balak ka sa¹kin no?(Tatawa)
JIGS Is that your question? Sasagutin ko na. (Tatawa)
YUMI Engot. Hindi ?yon. Here¹s something na curiouslang ako. Kasi I¹ve beenhearing things...saka you¹ve hinted on it na rinkanina...Are you still withKrissy?
JIGS Hindi na.
YUMI Since when?
JIGS Two, maybe three weeks ago?
YUMI Sino¹ng nakipag-break?
JIGS Pareho kami.
YUMI Why?
JIGS Maraming dahilan, actually. Naisip na lang naminna it won¹t work. Isa nado¹n, magkaiba kami ng gustong mangyari sa buhay.Magkaiba kami ng mgapinaniniwalaan.
YUMI Like what?
JIGS Marami.
YUMI At ngayon mo lang nalaman iyon after two yearswith her?
JIGS People change, Yumi.
Tahimik.
JIGS Right before graduation, she asked me to move inwith her.
YUMI Talaga?
JIGS Sabi niya, doon na naman din daw papunta angrelasyon namin. Might as wellpractice na raw for the real thing. Tutal, she¹sworking na naman, ako namanbagong graduate, we should try out na raw livingtogether if it¹ll work for us.
YUMI Natakot ka sa arrangement?
JIGS Hindi naman sa natakot. If you love someone, anopa¹ng ikakatakot mo, diba?
YUMI E bakit umayaw ka?
JIGS It¹s just that, it¹s not my thing.
YUMI Sabi na nga ba e, bakla ka no? Sinasayang mo angopportunities! (Matatawa)
JIGS Hindi ako oportunista. At lalong hindi ako bakla.
YUMI Fine.
JIGS Naisip ko lang na hindi pa pala ako handa sa mgaganitong bagay. Wala pa saisip ko ang gano¹n. Na-shock siguro ako sa reality naiyon na nga ang next stepsa relationship namin. I mean, two years of beingtogether and knowing eachother, we¹re practically ready to get married, if youknow what I mean. Pero Irealized, I¹m not ready for any of these. Narealize kohow immature I am. Naiba yung ideals ko two years ago sa ideals ko ngayon.I need to mature some moreto get into this thing'I mean, getting married. Diyosko, ilang taon lang baako...
YUMI Maturity has nothing to do with age.
JIGS But it has a lot to do with time.
Tahimik.
JIGS So I thought, bakit kailangan ng practice mode?Ibig sabihin, pag sumablaykami, split na kami? Live like a couple minus thecommitment? Pa¹no pag nawalana yung magic? Goodbye na?
Iinom ng wine si Jigs.
JIGS Kung kasal na, kasal na. Wala nang practice. Ithink that¹s the realcowardice. Yung i-try muna natin kung it will workkasi takot kayo na bakahindi maging successful ang outcome. Saan na napuntaang excitement ng buhay?Kaya nga kayo in-love, para sabay kayong humarap satotoong buhay, sa hirap atginahawa, di ba? (Matatawa) Hindi yung pagpapraktisanmuna ninyo parasiguradong ginhawa lang.
Magkikibit-balikat lang si Jigs.
YUMI Are you always like that?
JIGS Like what?
YUMI So cerebral in everything. Kahit pagdating sarelationships.
JIGS Life is too precious para lang daanin sa trialand error.
Ngingiti si Jigs. Tahimik.
YUMI So, No hard feelings?
JIGS Friends pa rin kami. She still calls me up nga sabahay e.
YUMI That¹s nice.
JIGS Kayo, bakit kayo nagbreak ni Carlo?
YUMI That¹s your sixth na ha?
JIGS Sure.
YUMI Alam mo, ironic para sa akin yung break-up naminni Carlo. And the funnything was, it was about...sex. Uy, sa atin lang itoha?
JIGS Of course.
YUMI Kasi nga, I was looking for that magic nga di ba?I wanted to be in arelationship na special naman. So of all theboyfriends I had, sa kanya langako walang sexual relationship. As in nag-aabstaintalaga ako. Kasi parangnaisip ko, para magkaroon naman ng meaning yung³making love² di ba? Parang,dapat di mo parating ginagawa, at ginagawa mo langwhen you are sincere withyourself and with your partner. So I was investingmuna emotionally. And I wasactually starting to care about him. Yung, hindi ko nainiisip yung sarili ko.Yung siya lang ang inaalala ko. Akala ko perfect na...
JIGS Ano¹ng nangyari?
YUMI Patunayan ko raw na mahal ko siya. Magbigay dawako ng proof. Pagbigyan koraw siya. Sabi ko sa kanya, hindi pa ba sapat na proof?yon? Na I¹m savingmyself for that right moment, that special momentbetween us? Alam mo¹ngginawa? Nilayasan ako!
JIGS You deserve someone better.
YUMI Talaga!
YUMI Isipin mo, kung kelan naman I grew tired ofmeaningless sex, when I¹mlooking for the real thing, saka naman mawawala. Angironic ng buhay no?
JIGS That¹s the way we must learn.
YUMI Alam mo, kung tutuusin, never ko pangna-experience yung tunay na magmake-love. And I had to go all through thoserelationships para lang ma-realizeyun. At least, ngayon, alam ko na ang hinahanap ko.
Iinom ng wine.
YUMI Ikaw ba, importante sa¹yo na virgin angmapapangasawa mo? How do you seevirginity ba?
JIGS Alam mo, di ko pa napag-isipan ?yan. Pero nowthat you¹ve mentioned it...Itdoesn¹t matter kung virgin ang mapangasawa ko o hindi.Of course I valuevirginity a lot. I treat it as the only real gift Icould give to my wife to be.Imaginin mo na lang di ba, kung wife ko ang una ko.It¹s like the perfectwedding gift I could give to her. Pero kung siya hindina virgin, I wouldn¹tcare. As long as mahal ko siya. Kasi I don¹t expecther to give me the samegift. I don¹t do something because I expect people todo the same to me. Ibigayniya sa akin ang sarili niya nang buong-buo, sapat nasa akin ?yon. Masaya naako sa ganoon.
YUMI (Mapapangiti si Yumi.) You know, that¹s thenicest thing I ever heard froma guy. That¹s why I always enjoy talking to you. Youalways say the nicestthings.
JIGS Wow. Salamat. E ikaw, is making love to you equalto love?
YUMI I always took sex and love as opposite ideas. Imean, after the first timena...you know...sa Senior prom. Kasi afterwards, webroke up na ni Robert. Taposnaisip ko, yun na ba yung love? Baka hindi love yungnaramdaman ko. Bakanapagkamalan ko lang siyang love. I was just after thepleasure of intimacy. Andthen I felt empty. So empty. That¹s why I wanted tochange. I wanted to believein ³making love.² And I¹m still looking for it. Yungmagic. Yung feeling mo, taoka pala. I never felt that kahit isang beses. Men havepenetrated my body butnever my soul. And I wanted that. I wanted someone totouch my soul. To ³makelove² to my soul through my body. Pero siguro, nagingnumb na¹ko sa dami ngrelasyong pinagdaanan ko. Hindi ko alam kungmararanasan ko pa iyon. That¹s whyI envy you.
Tahimik.
YUMI Sa tingin mo may pag-asa pa ako?
JIGS You still have your soul...(Ngingiti)
Tahimik.
YUMI With whom would you want to experience it?
JIGS Of course, sa asawa ko.
YUMI I mean, someone in particular. Take it as myseventh question. So give aname.
JIGS A name? Hindi ko alam. Basta kung sino angmagiging asawa ko.
Tahimik. Magkikibit-balikat si Yumi. Iinom ng wine.
JIGS Well, I always thought na it was Krissy. Andthen, it was just gone. Ofcourse I loved her. And I still do. Pero the magic wasjust gone after we bothfound out na magkaiba kami ng mga prinsipyo sa buhay.
Tahimik.
JIGS My turn?
YUMI Shoot me.
JIGS Tell me something...a secret. Yung wala kahitisang nakakaalam.
Matagal na katahimikan.
JIGS You trust me naman di ba?
YUMI Well, you¹ve earned it, alright.
JIGS Saka wala akong tinatago sa¹yo. Sinagot ko lahatng tanong mo as honestlyas I could. (Ngingiti)
YUMI I uhm...
JIGS Yes...?
YUMI I need more wine.
Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.
JIGS Take your time. We have less than fifty hours togo.
Iinom ng wine si Yumi.
YUMI I¹ll tell you something no one in the world knowsexcept one other person.And that person probably forgot all about me already.
JIGS (Pabiro) What? You had sex with a stranger?
YUMI Ano ka ba?
JIGS Biro lang. Seryoso na.
YUMI Promise ha? Hindi ito lalabas.
JIGS Promise.
YUMI If this goes out, I will hunt you kahit salibingan mo. Huhukayin kita atpapatayin kita ulit.
JIGS Mamatay man ako ngayon.
YUMI Okay...(Pause) I...I was with Joel then...(Magiging mas seryoso ang tononiya) ...and Zach. I wasn¹t really with Zach, I wasjust going out with him pagwala si Joel, alam mo na...making out andstuff...Well, anyway, I was kindaserious din naman with Joel that time. Joel and Iwere...you know...doing it.And...
JIGS And...?
YUMI Uhm...I...uhm...I got pregnant.
JIGS What?
Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.
YUMI I uhm...shit. Hindi ko naman talaga ginusto e.Uhm...Two months akongdelayed...then I took that test. I found out na buntisnga ako...and Joel foundout about Zach (maluha-luha na) and I didn¹t know whatto say, you know?Maniniwala ba naman sa akin si Joel na naaliw lang akokay Zach? Na I didn¹treally love him? Na wala lang iyon? And so he broke upwith me and...I..uhm...Iwas afraid and uhm...
(Magsisimula siyang magbreak-down)
JIGS It¹s okay...
YUMI I uhm...hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Joelleft me. I wanted to tellhim about the baby to make him come back but I don¹tthink he¹d believe meafter the thing with Zach...and...my parents are gonnakill me if...shit.(iiyak)
JIGS (lalapit kay Yumi para i-console ito)Ssshhh...you don¹t have to tell methis if it upsets you...
YUMI And so I went to a clinic...(hahagulgol) I didn¹tmean to, Jiggs. I wasn¹tmyself then. And I felt so afraid. So alone...
JIGS Tahan na. Ssshhh...
Iiyak lang si Yumi kay Jigs. Yayakapin ni Jigs siYumi.
JIGS Alam ba ?to ni Joel?
YUMI How can I tell him? The only other person nanakakaalam ay yung duktor saclinic. God...(iiyak) Oh God...
JIGS It¹s alright...
Hihimasin ni Jigs ang likod ni Yumi. Patatahanin niyaito. Matagal silangnakaganito lang. Matagal na katahimikan.
YUMI Can you get me my yosi?
Tatayo si Jigs. Pupunta sa may side table sa tabi ngkama. Kukunin ang yosi niYumi. Magsisindi siya ng isa at iaabot kay Yumi.
YUMI Thanks...
Matagal na katahimikan.
YUMI If we were...if we were the last two people onearth, would you considerdoing it with me?
JIGS Doing what?
YUMI Alam mo na...
JIGS Alin? (Teasing ngingiti)
YUMI Gago mo. (Ngingiti)
JIGS Ngumiti rin.
YUMI So? Would you?
JIGS Alin nga? Di mo masabi no? Bakit di mo masabi?(Pagtatawanan si Yumi)Sabihin mo nga: Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!
YUMI Shut up nga!
JIGS That¹s your eight na, ha?
YUMI I lost count. Answer it.
JIGS Why not?
Hihithit ng yosi si Yumi. Tahimik. Sasandal si Yumi sabalikat ni Jigs.
JIGS If you could be something else, what would yoube?
YUMI I dunno...maybe a violin...yeah. Violin siguro.
JIGS Bakit?
YUMI I always saw the relationship of a violin and itsplayer as very intimate.Pag tumutugtog ang violinist, ang nakikita ko atnaririnig ko, he strokes thesoul of the instrument and the instrument penetratesthe soul of the player.Para silang nagmi-make love. Di ba? Very sexy, veryintimate, very sublime. Diba? Pareho silang sincere sa isa¹t isa. Dahil kunghindi sila sincere, walangmusic na mabubuo. The violin surrenders her body toher player, her whole bodyand her whole soul, in full trust and sincerity. Diba, compared to the soundof the other instruments, ang tunog ng violin parangisang naked woman? A nakedwoman in surrender? I want to be a violin. I want tobe stroked in the soul. Iwant to make sincere music. I want to experience thesound of love.
Tahimik.
JIGS Lalim nun ah. (Ngingiti)
YUMI Pa¹no mo malalamang in-love ka na?
JIGS Paano? I don¹t think there¹s a formula to that.Basta malalaman mo na lang.I mean, ilang beses lang ba nangyari sa akin ?yon? I¹dlike to believe na yun nanga ?yon...yung kay Krissy...
YUMI Kwento mo nga...paano mo narealize dati na mahalmo nga si Krissy?
JIGS Alam mo nakakatawa...korni actually. Babalik nanaman ako sa pagigingkorni nito e. Di ba ayaw mo sa korni.
YUMI Sige na. Hindi na kita aasarin.
JIGS I heard bells.
YUMI Ano?
JIGS Seryoso. Bigla na lang, habang nag-uusap kami,may narinig na lang > akongbells, tapos music. Ewan ko kung iniimagine ko lang?yon pero yun ang nangyari.Nakakatawa nga e. Parang kanta ng Beatles.
YUMI Seryoso ka ba?
JIGS O baka naman nagkataon noong oras na yon, maynagkakantahan sa kung saansa school. Basta may narinig akong bells. Taposnapangiti ako. Pagtingin ko samata niya, iba na ang nakikita ko. Hindi ko na siyanakita as kabarkada lang.Biglang parang may magic. Hindi ko ma-explain. Baduypero ganun. Tapos I justseized the moment. Umamin ako. A week later, kami na.
YUMI Korni nga. (Matatawa)
JIGS Korni talagang pakinggan. Pero pag nandun ka na.Pag naranasan mo na,feeling mo, hindi na korni.
Ngingiti si Yumi. Tahimik.
YUMI Alam mo, may times na parang tunog violin angboses mo. O lasing lang ako?
Tahimik.
JIGS I¹m into my last question.
Iaangat ni Yumi ang ulo niya.
YUMI Shoot me. Better make it good.
JIGS If you were again to be the next victim of thistradition, if you were tobe locked up in this room again...who would you wantthe next guy to be?
YUMI (Mag-iisip) I want someone whom I could talkto... Yung makukwentuhan ko ngmga sikreto ko. Yung may sense makipag-usap. Yung maylaman. The violin playerwho¹d stroke my strings...not even. Yung mapapatunogniya ang strings kowithout even touching them. (Tahimik) Lumuluwag na angdila ko...kung anu-anona ang nasasabi ko. (Ngingiti)
Tititigan lang ni Jigs si Yumi. Tahimik.
YUMI Siyempre yung masarap kausap.
Tahimik. Hindi makatingin si Yumi.
YUMI Yung kahit habambuhay wala kaming gawin kundimag-usap... I think it¹sbetter than making love.
Mapapatingin si Yumi kay Jigs.
YUMI Gosh I want to kiss you so badly.
Matitigilan siya.
YUMI I can¹t believe I just said that.
Tahimik. Titignan niya ulit si Jigs.
YUMI Don¹t you want to kiss me?
Pause. Titignan siya ni Jigs sa mata.
JIGS Is that your last question? (Ngingiti si Jigs)
YUMI Yes.
DILIM.



* Habang binabasa ko ito mula sa email ng kapatid ko isa agad ang nasa isip ko-- ipopost ko ito sa blogs. Hindi ko ilala kung sino si Juan Ekis pero saludo ako sa pagsulat niya nito. Sanay kapulutan ng aral. Naalala ko tuloy ang kantang "Telepono" ng Parokya ni Edgar.

Post Bulletin

Nakainis na nakakatuwa habang sinisearch ko ang mtv video ng papa cologne ay nabiktima ako ng post bulletin sa friendster. Yan talaga ang nagagawa ng procrastination. Ok back to my thesis.

:)

My Right

I have the right to remain silent.






:)

Search for Meaning

Every human being has a drive to search for meaning in life, relationship, experience, career, vocation, faith, society, ethnic identity, among others. Ironically, one of the major problems in the people today, whether in the first world or third world countries, is the feeling of the total and ultimate meaninglessness of their lives. We hear people committing suicide due to terrible pressures and difficult circumstances in life that they could not afford to see the light of a meaningful life. It is sad to hear when people lack the awareness of living worthy and meaningful lives. They seemingly succumbed to emptiness and the void they feel within themselves.

On the other hand, we hear people talking frankly and energetically about their views of life, their feelings, their struggles, their religious beliefs, their psychological uncertainties, politics and morality, and sexual relationships.

Despite economic, religious, and political differences all people are equal as we search for the meaning of life. However, the way people comprehend things in the same circumstances differs from one person to another because each individual is unique. What matters is not the general consensus of the meaning of life but rather the specific response of the person at a given moment. As an individual being, one has his or her own challenge in life, specific problem to solve, and unique question of meaning. Because each person is unique, we lay a template of meaning upon a particular object different from others. Everyone has his or her own demands for fulfillment inasmuch as every person has his own vocation or mission in life. But then again, we are equal in terms of orienting ourselves (or struggling) with the meaning of the mystery of our human existence.

To understand the meaning of life requires us to have a sense of true self-knowledge. Awareness of our being – to know who we are – expresses more concretely what make us different from other beings in the world. The existentialist answer to this question directs us to understand our existence in the sense of “standing out” in the world.[1] Our mode of existence compared with beings like cats, trees, and rocks, is completely different in the sense that we alone are open and aware of our being, in some degree, we alone know what we are.[2] We “stand out” in the world because of our intellect, freedom, and responsibility. As one existentialist says, “existentialism’s first move is to make every man aware of what he is and to make the full responsibility of his existence rest on him.”[3]

Lastly, our search for the meaning of life oftentimes is posed to us even more intensely when we experience love and happiness, and suffering and death. Love and happiness bring us such delight as we experience them with a person we love, in a good deed and in service of others, in sport and play, in art and science.[4] Another meaning of existentialism confronts us with an inescapable and unavoidable situation of suffering and death. They may appear in the face of incurable disease like cancer or being disabled, death of a loved one, or awareness of our own imminent death. Like happiness and love, the experience of suffering and death make clear to us that the meaning of life will remain a big question and deep mystery to understand.

To conclude, our human limitations tell us of our incapacity to achieve the fullness of knowledge and answer the enigma of human existence. Our inadequacies lead us to grasp something beyond our human understanding which leads us toward the attitude of faith. So as we become more aware of our ‘unworthiness,’ our search for truth goes to a higher level that is beyond the empirical world we know, to the questions of ultimate causes – the search for God.

[1] John Macquarrie, Principles of Christian Theology, (London: SCM Press Ltd., 1982) 60.
[2] ibid.
[3] Jean-Paul Sarte, Existentialism and Human Emotions, (New York: Philosophical Library, Inc. 1957) 16.
[4] Cf. German Bishop’s Conference, The Church’s Confession of Faith, (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 1987) 16.

Sikat II

Nasa dyaryo daw ako ngayon pero di ko pa nakikita. Pag-medyo ok looks ko siguradong ipopost ko dito.


:)